Have you ever found yourself being a different person with work colleagues, friends, or a significant other? I don’t mean different in the sense that you are navigating different groups and personalities, but rather that you are different in how you represent yourself. Perhaps you don’t speak up at work despite your strong opinions on the topic for fear of rejection or being deemed a contrarian. Maybe it manifests as siding with friends for the sake of fitting in. When you reflect on your day, the common denominator is the false portrayal of self.

For myself, the feeling felt perpetual – half imposter, half defiant. In a worst case scenario you are ostracized for being true, and in a best case solution you runaway to begin a new life as a macaron baker in the south of France. I never ended up a French gourmand, but I did become a connoisseur of English scones and teas. In an unexpected sequence of events, work relocated me to London for a three month stay with our counterparts in the London office. I took no time in processing my visa applications; my excitement was palpable – it was the retreat I yearned for with a twist.

Over the following weeks, I set out on a mission to discover my temporary home and familiarize myself as if it were a permanent relocation. After work I roamed the alleys of my immediate neighborhood peering into window displays and weaving in and out of local shops. On the weekends I planned elaborate walks, reserved tables for one at lively restaurants, visited art and history museums, and took off on longer voyages to cities like Oxford and Bath. I felt such immense freedom making my own schedule that I never felt alone or bored. Luckily, England has the ease of the English language, yet regardless of that advantage I still learned to navigate the subtle cultural differences that make us different nations. I essentially learned to internally motivate and become comfortable with the uncomfortable. Over time I noticed that my positive pep talks manifested favorable results at work with my new team. I felt genuinely confident in my work, in my voice, and in my capabilities. In turn, I became confident in my mistakes; should I err or misspeak, I would admit my error and correct myself without feeling that I was now permanently discredited.

As part of my adventure, I was temporarily joined by my significant other. We were both schedule to be in Europe during overlapping time periods; we took every opportunity to travel and visit the surrounding countries together. Never having really travelled in Europe, one can imagine how spoiled we felt to visit Munich during Oktoberfest, Paris for my birthday, or Amsterdam on a whim. We felt as though we were cheating our jobs – how dare we have so much fun on the clock! We were so grateful and humbled by our good fortune on each trip. We made it a point to be mindful and fully acknowledging that these opportunities were not given everyday.

But, just as all good things come to an end, my three months stint was over and NYC beckoned. I felt relieved to see old faces smiling at me, asking questions about my trips and fawning over my Instagram pictures. I had stories to tell them, more photos to share, and souvenirs to show. However, within a week, I was fitting back into my former routine with a sense of disappointment. After my time in London, I was intransigently confident – different; this energy, while at no fault of my peers, caused an unfamiliar disconnect. I no longer acted as a spectator, but rather as a respectful participant standing firm in her corner. I kindly initiated a slow separation for the sake of preserving my newly found strength. The friendships I had remained, lunches together are still part of our anticipated breaks, and jokes remain the primary form of communication. The withdrawl from the group was merely the choice to no longer participate in topics or engage with certain people that no longer serve to fill my space with positivity. So as I reflected on how I was navigating my environment, I began to more deeply consider the correlation between travel (especially solo-travel) and personal authenticity. It seemed to me that it all came down to a process of five bullet points that could be virtually replicated by anyone:

1. Independence: When you travel alone, you become the master of your time. Due to circumstance you now have an ultimate freedom to choose your next move independent of others. It takes time to realize that you hold this power, and it can be overwhelming. In its scariest form, you realize that there are no comforts of home, and no alliances to fall back on. The first few nights might be leisurely evenings of television and room service, which in its own right is relaxing. Then something triggers you, a force that tells you it is time to be a person in the world.
2. Trust: Assuming you are in unknown territory, your life experiences and your scholarly teachings become your primary survival resources. Sure you have Google (thank goodness for Google Maps!), but you also have instinct, charisma, street smarts, and ingenuity. Without additional guidance, you must trust that your natural abilities are sufficient to get by on challenging situations as you move from A to B. It might be ordering food in a foreign tongue or transfering rail lines miles from your hotel. In the end you cannot afford to be fearful.
3. Proof: Somehow it all works out. Before you know it, you have seen half of the city, travelled further than many neighborhood residents, you have claimed a new favorite cafe, and recognize local reference points. Voila! You have joined a new society in a real way. The proof is in the accomplishment; if you doubted your capacity to extend yourself in this manner, you are proven wrong in grandiose fashion. On a personal level, I found that proof in my own applications at work. In leveraging the mindset of points ‘Independence’ and ‘Trust’, the benefits leaked into my assignments – more extraordinary than belief in my work, was the testimony of others validating my efforts.
4. Confidence: In its most basic form, confidence is boosted by endorsement. Positive reinforcement from external sources becomes the shifting point in establishing your new “normal”. You goes from “I am sure I can do ____” to “Let’s do it…now!”. This confidence is a rebellious revolution that awakens the sleeping giant within and differs completely from that of appearance or beauty because it carries its essence in ceaseless “knowing”.
5. Identification: As the cycle comes full circle, you settle into the incredible, fulfilled, bold, fascinating person you are. This is presently how you identify, and with the slow return of routines into your natural habitat you feel the disparity. This by no means is a negative aspect of the process. It is part of the natural reintroduction of yourself into old surroundings coupled with a new outlook on them. Perhaps for you its means speaking up when previously you would have remained silent, it could mean dressing how you feel rather than conforming to your peers, it could mean leaving a job to pursue a more meaning profession. In the end, you have the vision to see more choices than when you started.

This subjective interpretation is by no means perfect and it does not escape my bias caused by my own experience through this process. That being said, the more I observe it the more I consider that it can be reproduced by others. Like any new habit, it must be done everyday like a true practice. Without meditation or introspection you can fall into old ways of thinking, negative self talk, doubt, irrational fears and erase the progress that culminated into your personal evolution. All paths are particular, so my unsolicited advice on this journey of being authentic is to retain the openness and euphoria you channeled at your optimal self – write it down in a journal where you can inspire yourself and recognize regressions.